[전화영어 영작]Crime

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CRIME

Crime destroy victim and thier family life. especially rape and violence really easy to destroy it. Because that crime left trauma so they need mental treatment for overcom it. And we need more strict law for it. Some people say "punishment dosen't help change crimnal. we need to humanity way for it" but they didn't notice that during using humanity way to change offender, the victim and their family suffer from fear. Befor considering about huminity for crime, we need to care about victim. 

Domestic violence is one of horrible crime in the world because it consiste of violence and rape and take place inside of family. And If victim have a enough power that escape from criminal it's not easy, because in law, offender is their family. If they want to escape from them they need palce and other people's proctec for hiding. So they need a help from outside of their family. If there is no help then it come out really bad news that crimnal kille victim or victim kill crimnal. Sadly most domestic violence's end is someone's dead.

Correct (2016.11.22)

CRIME

Crime destroys victim and their family's life. Especially rape and violence can easily destroy lives. Because those crimes leave trauma so they need mental treatment to overcome it. And we need more strict law for it. Some people say "punishment doesn't help change criminals. We need humanity way for it" but they didn't notice that during humanity way to change offender, the victim and their family suffer from fear. Before considering about humanity for crime, we need to care about victims.

Domestic violence is one of the horrible crimes in the world because it consists of violence and rape that take place inside the family. And If victims have enough power to escape from criminals is not easy. Because in law, offender is their family. If they want to escape from them they need a place and other people's protection for hide. So they need a help from outside of their family. If there is no help then it turns out that it's a bad news because the criminal can kill the victim or vice versa. Sadly most domestic violence usually ends with someone's death.

1. one of 많은것 : 많은것이므로 많은것자리에는 복수
2.  vice versa : 반대로 나라이름 첫 자는 대문자.
3. 과거에 일어난건 과거형으로!! 
4. 글쓰때 정신차리자 실수가 하나둘이 아니다.
5. 1개 이상이면 항상 a를 쓰지 않음. 

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